Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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