Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
its liver damage thursday
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
