I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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