he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
