It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
