on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
