four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
