so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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