Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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