just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
