guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
