After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There are leaves in my underwear?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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