So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
