I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
