I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
