I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
