Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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