Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
