just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
