a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
