paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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