Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
