his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
