shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
