Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
