Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
