My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You are a genius and a whore.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
