but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
no you cant smoke seaweed
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
