Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
