I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
