And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my shit smells like andre
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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