Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
