I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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