You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
