I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
