Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
