I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
