Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
