You can't motorboat a personality
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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