Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
