google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
