worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just gift wrapped bread.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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