I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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