everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
