P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
