i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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