One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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