I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
