it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
