I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
