Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
