Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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