so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
