those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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