you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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