YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
