Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
