Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
