My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize