id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
