If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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