I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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