He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
